Army Veteran shares her experiences with autism

When you think of autism, what comes to mind? Do you think of a limiting disorder, a stereotype or a condition only found in childhood?

It's likely we may not realize the face of autism could be someone we know. It could be your best friend, your colleague or your boss.

Would you know if it was you?

Our human experiences are subjective. Barring certain serious conditions such as loss of sight or hearing, we may not always realize the variations in how we experience the world apart from others.

As an individual, you're entrenched in the never-ending, constantly unfolding sensory experience of "you"-most everything you know comes from how you alone perceive and move through the world.

I never knew I was autistic all those years.

It was just who I was.

Like looking into a mirror

Then I began to glimpse my past in the struggles of my now 10-year-old daughter. Like a mirror, she reflected my own childhood back to me, ripe for reexamination.

Like her, I couldn't speak in most situations as a child and was a loner. It was so much more than shyness and being "book smart" though.

I was quirky and a bit of a nonconformist. But autism? Of course, I was aware of the word, but I didn't fully understand.

As a teenager, I found hope in writing poetry and poured my soul into it. I also got a little better at public speaking as I found my flow, winning my school's ninth grade spelling bee and competing in a French language competition thanks to a teacher who took me under her wing.

Empowerment and education

Although I continued to fight anxiety and depression for decades, I got better at small talk, job interviews and networking in crowded situations.

It wasn't until I turned 50 that I learned there were adults like me with undiagnosed autism. Not long after that I also learned that unconsciously masking these autistic traits can lead to long-term mental health outcomes such as what I had experienced with anxiety, depression and burnout.

I served 22 years in the military-two combat deployments-most of them as an Army journalist. But knowing what I know now, it's much clearer to me how and why I felt I had to work so much harder to achieve the same goals as others.

Why do I share this?

This is only one lived experience, one story among millions. I cannot speak for everyone who is autistic.

I just hope my story helps to encourage others to want to learn more.

Autism is a spectrum and not a one size fits all. It is not a disease; it's a developmental disorder or, better yet, a "differently wired" brain.

For me, whether I recognized it or not, it was with me all along, but it doesn't change who I've always been, my resilience, my core values or my work ethic.

I choose to find empowerment in my newfound knowledge. It allows me to embrace more fully who I am.

I gaze back on my early years now with more clarity, feeling more kindness and understanding toward my estranged dad who rarely made eye contact and never was one for hugs.

This has become such a personal passion of mine that I started a Facebook group to connect with other autistic military Veterans.

So far we are 75 members strong. Our stories are unique, set against the backdrop of our shared military service, each shaped by our individual experiences viewed through the lens of autism.

Neurodiversity awareness

Autism is included under the umbrella that is known as "neurodiversity." This refers to differences in brain functioning and includes conditions such as ADHD, obsessive-compulsive disorder, Tourette syndrome, dyspraxia and learning disorders, such as dyslexia and dyscalculia.

Individuals or groups that exhibit these variations are considered "neurodivergent." Estimates are that 15-20% of the world's population exhibits some form of neurodivergence.

And many people with autism have comorbid conditions. I have mild Tourette syndrome, ADHD and PTSD, and I've been referred to be screened for dyspraxia and nonverbal learning disorder to try and help me work out why I've had a life of "clumsiness" (motor coordination and spatial awareness issues).

The way forward

Though there may be challenges with managing autism in the workplace-such as social anxiety or being hypersensitive to light or sounds-there are also unique strengths. I believe my skills in writing and editing are partially fueled by being on the spectrum.

The private sector has begun to catch on to the potential benefits of neurodiversity to the entire workforce. The National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency launched its neurodiversity pilot in late 2020 with a focus on hiring autistic individuals. It took a long pause to thoroughly evaluate the results of this program and now plans to build on these efforts later this year.

Recognizing and accepting the potential of this rich tapestry of nuances to be found within the neurodivergent community can only strengthen our relationships in the workplace, as well as our VA mission, adding to a better understanding of the care we provide to our Veterans, their families, caregivers and survivors.

Charting your own path

If any part of my neurodivergent experience sounds familiar to you, here are some suggestions:

• Seek out reputable websites and read the stories of others who may be late-diagnosed or identify through their lived experiences; see how these resonate for you.
• Join an online community to connect with others on similar journeys.
• Keep a journal as you do your research and think back over your life. The information can be overwhelming, so it's helpful to get everything into one accessible place. Should you decide to move forward and seek a formal assessment, your notes could prove to be helpful in that process.

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