Mental Health Awareness Week 2022

In the fifth in a series of articles supporting Mental Health Awareness Week, Nikki considers how giving, or doing kind things for others, might improve mental health and wellbeing.

If you want to feel good, find ways to do good

Helping others is not only good for them and a good thing to do, it also makes us happier and healthier too. When we give to others it activates the areas of the brain associated with pleasure, social connection and trust. Altruistic behaviour releases endorphins in the brain and boosts happiness for us as well as the people we help.

Studies also show that helping others increases our sense of meaning and satisfaction with life and boosts our self-confidence. It can reduce stress and help us feel calmer too. People who volunteer regularly were found to be more hopeful, experience fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety and may even live longer.

Being compassionate and kind to others is hard-wired into what it means to be human and our communities flourish when people look out for each other.

Doing kind things for strangers helps build co-operation, trust and a sense of safety in our communities. It also helps us to see others more positively and empathise with them. It's about self-care and community care, looking after ourselves and each other.

It's not about the money - we can give our time, attention, knowledge, ideas, energy, support, thanks, and encouragement and let your colleagues know you value them. We can give the benefit of the doubt too. It's a way of connecting, even if only for a brief moment, with those we pass or interactive in our daily lives, whether face to face or virtually. It doesn't have to cost anything or take much time - what's important is that it's an act of genuine care and thoughtfulness for another person.

Giving to others needs to be sustainable and not draining, so I would like to share with you simple ways we can do this.

I enjoy helping others, showing kindness and compassion. I feel that I can make a difference and I know that my actions count, so I choose to make a positive difference through my actions, ensuring that way I say and what I do aligns. There is a quote by Maya Angelou that really resonates with me, "people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". Small moments matter, our connections with people are made up of tiny moments that can impact how we feel in the moment and add up over time.

Dr Barbara Fredrickson believes that we have the potential to transform lives through the multitude of tiny interactions we have day to day, by finding ways to make them more positive. Her research is revealing that these micro-moments of positive connection have a unique impact on our biology, boosting both physical and our psychological well-being. It's something everyone can experience. It's not just our closest relationships that can be transformed, but also something we can share with anyone, even strangers.

As part of my role as a mental health first aider and MindSet Champion at BAE Systems, I have the opportunity to speak to people from across the business. Recently, I spoke with an individual and at the end of our conversation they said they felt heard and understood, for the first time - this made me smile and glow from the inside out. This is a precious gift to give and receive; I gave them my time and my full attention, without judgement and chose to listen with empathy and compassion, by listening with the intent to understand.

Giving to me is an act of thoughtfulness for another person, where my attention is on another person, with the intention of showing I care. I enjoy bringing in my strengths to plan creative ways to show kindness, this helps me feel energised and enables me to continue to be a happy giver and can continue to give, without feeling drained or not focusing on my own needs.

Adam Grant is an expert in the science of giving and his research shows that helping others isn't just a good thing to do, but it can also boost personal and career success… or the opposite. The difference between a 'successful' and 'unsuccessful' giver is that the former not only care for others, they know what matters for their own wellbeing too. I would recommend finding ways to make sure that how you are helping increases your own sense of connection to others; that it aligns with your values, strengths and interests, and that you understand its impact for the person or people you are trying to help. This will maximise the benefit for those you are giving to too.

If helping others boosts happiness, asking for help when we need it could give the person we ask the opportunity for a feel-good boost. It can also mean they are then more likely to ask for help when they need it. Certainly communities where people feel they can rely on others to help are happier and more resilient. Asking for help builds connection - so it isn't only for when we are struggling. We can also ask for help to share experiences, when we'd value support, or when we want to learn something new. Make sure you give them the choice about it and tell them what difference they've made for you.

Every act of kindness counts. Here are some different ways we can give that don't involve money:

• Be kind - be helpfully nosey and persistently kind and always show you care about the person and not just the work they do
• Give time - offering your skills, sharing your knowledge or resources, or just being there to listen
• Help others in good times as well as bad - helping someone to learn and grow; to develop ideas or to make and build relationships
• Cut people some slack - when someone is having a hard time and is causing difficulties for others, be generous and 'give' by backing off and letting them have the benefit of the doubt. Choose to respond with compassion, rather than judgment and seek to understand from their perspective
• Make kindness part of your routine - create the habit of checking in on your team, of thanking others or mentoring a new member of your team.
• Small or simple acts - hunt for the good in others, be an encourager, show you care, give people your attention or a thoughtful gesture.
• Acts we plan in advance - organising a charity event, helping a friend move house or clear their garden.
• Spur of the moments acts - whenever you notice a need - act and show you care, it could be making someone laugh or simply listening to them.
• Focus on what's right with those around you - relationships can fail if you continue to criticise, as humans we naturally focus on what wrong than what's right, so it takes extra effort - but it's worth it.
• There are always ways to be kind - we only need to keep your eyes open and pay attention to those around us to start seeing opportunities to help.

Acts of kindness challenge

Why not set yourself a challenge of 5 random acts of kindness a week, in addition to what you would normally do. These could be anything, small, large, spontaneous or planned. Studies have shown that variety is important in your happiness levels, so be sure to vary what you do. Timing is also shown to be important, so try to do all your new acts of kindness on one day (or as close together as possible). Keep a note of what you try and what you notice in yourself and others.

I hope you enjoyed reading more on this topic and are ready to start a kindness ripple effect, throughout work and into our community. I'd love to hear your thoughts and acts of kindness - feel free to get in touch.

Remember - the little things we do and say can make a huge difference to others. Help people feel seen, heard, understood, valued and cared for - today and every day.

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