Army veteran, 3-time sexual assault victim spreads hope for survivors

FORT BELVOIR, Va. -

The road to rock bottom was 17 years long for former soldier Dana Bandish. Pain from sexual trauma infected her heart and soul, but it took walking into a homeless shelter as a single mom with two young girls for the dam of her pent-up emotions to burst - for her to admit she needed help.

"It wasn't an easy thing to do, because my wounds had really festered and gone untreated for so long," she told Defense Logistics Agency employees during a virtual Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month presentation April 10.

Bandish is a survivor of three sexual traumas. She was just 10 years old when a guest at a New Year's Eve party in her childhood home entered her bedroom and molested her.

"I didn't say anything to anybody," she said. "I thought I would get in trouble."

At 13, she was raped by an older cousin, but once more, Bandish buried the torment.

She believed she was leaving both traumas behind when, two weeks after graduating high school in 1989, she left home for Army boot camp. Her first duty station as a newly trained personnel specialist was Camp Humphreys, Korea. Soldiers visited her office daily, needing help with in- or out-processing or other personnel actions.

"I used to have guys come into my work and ask me if I wanted to hang out or go downtown," she said. "I was always mindful, making sure I had someone with me that I trusted."

Seven months into her assignment, a soldier asked if she'd like to get together after duty.

"He was always very respectful, always walked me to my room and never made any advances," she said.

She spent two months getting to know him before he invited her to his room to watch a football game one night, and feeling safe, she accepted. When he opened the door to let her inside, she saw a set of bunk beds and 12 guys scattered around the room. It was a "holy crap" moment.

"But I quickly reassured myself that I knew this guy," she said. "I thought he had my back."

Bandish and her fellow soldiers watched the game for an hour before one of the men said, "Lock the door." For the next hour and a half, Bandish was raped repeatedly, then shoved outside - naked.

A strange guy appeared as she dressed herself in the dark. He helped her put on her clothes, walked her to her barracks about half a mile away and then disappeared.

"I truly believe now that he walked me to my room because he wanted to make sure I wasn't going to report it, because on that walk, we passed by the hospital and the police station," she said.

Reporting it never even crossed her mind. She blamed herself.

Denial

By the time of the attack, Bandish had only two months left of her overseas tour. She believed reporting the crime would lead to a trial where the fingers of 12 men pointed at the lone 19-year-old female.

"I went home to Dayton, Ohio, and I basically laid in bed for 30 days on leave, crying myself to sleep," she said. "My thinking was that I was going to leave this military sexual trauma back in Korea. I was just going to go on with my life."

Again.

Bandish focused on being a good soldier. Starched uniform, spit-shined boots, soldier of the quarter, mailroom supervisor - all of it a delicately constructed wall to hide her wounds.

At her next yearly women's exam, a doctor told Bandish she had a sexually transmitted disease. Humiliated, she told her then-boyfriend. They later married, never fully unwrapping her emotional baggage, her "monster in the closet."

"I struggled because he loved me unconditionally," she said. "I didn't feel like I deserved his love."

They divorced, and not wanting to be alone, Bandish quickly remarried and left active duty. She became pregnant, and the soon-to-be mother prayed for a boy.

"I didn't want a little girl because I didn't want what happened to me to ever happen to her," she said.

It was a girl, and so was her next baby. She vowed to protect them, even as her second marriage unraveled in domestic violence for which her then-husband did time. There was no place for her to go with her two girls and deeply infected wounds except a homeless shelter. Desperate and finally ready to crawl to recovery, she sought therapy in 2007.

"I had to face all that I'd tried to put behind me, and that meant also dealing with the two childhood traumas," she said, although she felt most shattered by the betrayal and assault from her fellow soldiers.

Recovery

Healing for Bandish included recognizing the triggers that caused her pain or unexpected panic. Crowds remind her of the room where 12 guys gang-raped her, and being out past dark harkens back memories of the walk back to her barracks. Just seeing people near the doorway of a room she's in makes her fear she's about to be harmed. And the scent of a certain cologne worn by one of her attackers ignites instant terror.

Sixteen years of hard work and cognitive behavioral therapy helped Bandish learn to survey her surroundings and ground herself. Mending also meant allowing herself to feel emotions like anger and regret.

"I allow myself to ride that wave of emotions because, for so many years, I compartmentalized them," she said.

Speaking publicly about her assaults has also helped Bandish heal. She's shared her victim-to-victor story with over 200 audiences.

"I truly believe that this journey God has me on is because he knew that I would one day be strong," she said. "That's why I'm here today sharing it with you, to give hope to other survivors and help educate people that there are residual effects."

Bandish also volunteers as a witness advocate in Montgomery County, Virginia, steering other victims away from self-blame.

"When my gang-rape happened, I was wearing a concert shirt, blue jeans and hiking boots. But even if I was wearing a mini skirt and a midriff, that doesn't give anybody the right to sexually assault me," she said, adding that empathy from others may help victims feel heard.

Stories from survivors can help other victims process their experiences and encourage them to seek help, said Bethrece Cheek, program manager for DLA's Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Program. Displays depicting survivors' stories are featured at DLA facilities every April to increase awareness of sexual assault and increase prevention, and Cheek said this year she wants employees to understand better the complexities of moving forward after sexual assault.

"Even though the healing journey is difficult, it is possible," Cheek said, adding that the response to Bandish's presentation has been overwhelmingly positive. Employees thanked Bandish for being transparent and vulnerable, and one DLA Distribution employee said she felt encouraged to contact the Department of Veterans Affairs about her own trauma.

The DLA Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Office is staffed with sexual assault response coordinators who are trained and credentialed to provide 24/7 support to victims worldwide. To report an assault or get more information, call the DLA SAPR hotline at 571-767-1133 or visit the DLA SAPR website.

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